Category: Podcast

Happy Carlos Day – 6/20/14

hbdcarlosIt’s Carlito’s birthday and he’s celebrating with them crazy prank calls! Carlito loses his wedding ring while masturbating with a car wash vacuum cleaner. Ronnie in the lobby department is starting trouble among all the supermarket employees with his fake gossip, A tuxedo shop refuses to make alterations which will allow Carlito to strip in front of his mother.

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Show Notes:

0:00:54 Calling about a yard sale while cursing
0:03:12 Calling about cards for sale
0:10:27 Honey baby – click
0:11:10 Calling about the cat hotel
0:15:32 Lost a wedding ring in the car wash vacuum cleaner
0:19:37 Ronnie creating mass confusion among the employees at the Albertson’s supermarket
0:36:12 Calling to schedule a hair washing fantasy
0:38:26 ..not interested in a haircut from a gay guy
0:39:12 ..talking to Crystal again
0:40:39 Calling about renting a limo and paying the smoking fine up front
0:42:51 Calling back about the lost wedding ring
0:43:26 Nothing fazes this Greek guy
0:46:07 Hey, did you hear?
0:46:33 Lost dog makes Carlito sad in the end
0:48:15 Looking to buy some pit bulls
0:49:46 Calling for special tuxedo alterations
0:52:38 ..calling back to drive the point home
0:54:10 Porcelain dolls
Jun 20, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Aculo – 6/19/2014

gymnastics-creepCalls from June 19th, 2012 including trying to come in to watch gymnastics in a private room while wearing sweatpants. Carlito is also saying aculo for no reason, insulting the liquor store, fixing his toilet and getting a good feeling about some of his calls.

Standard Podcast [ 13:35 | 6.26 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (854)

Show Notes:

0:00:34 I have a feeling about this call
0:01:07 Another good feeling
0:02:37 How’s the action with the tacos?
0:03:12 Watching adult gymnastics in private wearing sweatpants
0:10:02 Aculo Aculo!
0:11:24 How many coupon machines you have?
0:12:05 Looking for liquor
0:13:14 I fixed the toilet!
Jun 19, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

The Fall of Saigon – 4/30/14

Hugh Van Es dies at 67We’re calling some of our favorite targets from the past few years. Carlito is trying to jump over Snake River Canyon in an RV fitted with awnings on either side. Jazper Millenium-Cruz is having trouble peeing, we get on the wrong side of the STD clinic while trying to get him in to get checked out. The guy at the tropical fish store gets very upset at the way Carlito is asking about eating goldfish. Bothering halal Subways in the UK.

Standard Podcast [ 2:20:18 | 64.26 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1529)

Show Notes:

0:05:10 Asking the Turkish Horse if he did a lot of fucking today
0:07:32 Valente is installing Sunsetter awnings on his RV again, this time he’s jumping over the Snake River Canyon
0:09:38 ..calling back trying to get help from an engineer
0:17:10 Raising money for Robbie Knievel to jump the Snake River Canyon
0:20:02 Checking in on the Bulls Head Pub
0:21:18 ..quick hang up
0:24:45 Hey sexy…-click-
0:25:38 David Snozwell calls back
0:30:20 Garcia is calling the health center clinic for services
0:33:41 ..Baz calls back to see a doctor
0:36:13 ..”nurse” (or is it cop) picks up to assist
0:43:35 Calling the IHOP around the corner, having them check to see if there is anyone fucking in a car in the parking lot
0:47:41 Calling for specific wheel machines at the Rent-A-Wheel
0:49:11 ..connecting soul food while waiting on Rent-A-Wheel
0:53:50 Are you a woman?
0:54:42 Baz calling Sizzler for orange juice
0:57:56 Pissing off the tropical fish guy
0:59:34 ..calling back to apologize and be friends
1:01:44 Playing the kinky donut game
1:02:18 ..explaining the kinky donut game again
1:04:08 Calling for adobo
1:08:47 Barber college calls
1:11:28 Looking for penis suction pump
1:13:39 Another collard greens call to a soul food restaurant turns very gay
1:20:58 ..connecting a notary to sign his death warrant
1:20:58 Garcia calling Kmart from the parking lot to check the glory hole action before coming inside
1:27:26 Ordering one gasoline
1:29:14 Calling with questions about metal
1:45:33 Ordering from the halal Subway
1:46:37 Ordering from a different halal Subway
1:47:44 “It is dirty, chuck off”
1:49:32 ..Carlito upset Baz was treated bad
1:51:20 Subway acting like he can’t hear us
1:52:40 Sandwich Mother Fucker!
1:53:45 Order only in the shop
1:54:55 I used to fuck an Egyptian girl
1:57:16 Eat the sandwich in front of me to make sure its not poisoned
2:00:14 Carlito would’ve stripped naked if he was on Flight 93
2:02:46 Baz is bringing a poopy pig into Subway
2:05:59 In the middle of sex with a Subway sandwich
2:16:45 Not the hole we’re looking for
2:17:16 I wanna go up in dat hole

Music featured on this episode:

Pink Floyd – Welcome To The Machine
Jimmiy Vaughan – Tilt-a-Whirl
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Peach Extract
MF Doom Madvillian [Four Tet Remixes] – Accordion (Instrumental)
The Beastie Boys – 14th St. Break
Dan The Automator – Seneca
Dan The Automator – Firesuite
Dan The Automator – Stroker Ace
PornoSonic – Spiderpussy (Slight Return)
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Coltsfoot Leaf
Skrillex – Imma Try It Out Ft. Alvin Risk (Original Mix)
Curtis Mayfield – Move On Up
Notorious B.I.G. – 07 – I Love the Dough
Kalyanji & Anandji – My Guru
Wu-Tang Clan – It’s Yours (Instrumental)
Deltron 3030 – Mastermind
Bronze Nazareth – Listen
Gorillaz – Dirty Harry
RJD2 – All For U
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Vinca Rosea
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Styrax Gum

Apr 30, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

I Have a Chode – 4/23/14

sauchodeA talking cat wants help catching a rat. Patton Fox finds a lost green card, the owner is offering an hour with his son as a reward. Carlito wants to alter his prescription in order to get a pair of sunglasses that will fuck him up when he wears them.

Standard Podcast [ 2:00:44 | 55.3 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1275)

Show Notes:

0:04:00 A cat is calling to have a rat caught in his house, but not disposed of
0:06:59 Patton Fox found a lost green card, sends a Mexican boy to Food City to trade sex for it
0:21:45 Horny Zack the telphone hacker
0:24:23 Calling Food City for the Mexican boy
0:41:56 Hung up on after complaining about too many rings
0:42:42 …calling back, looking for a lost phone bridge
0:45:08 ..found a nice lipstick color?
0:45:58 Did that Mexican boy show up?
0:50:19 I have a chode
0:51:02 ..Baz calls back, explains women usually mess things up.
0:55:15 ..Carlito calls back to order one man-made pasta
0:58:29 Dr. Cross interrupts a doctor with his nonsense
1:08:27 No I can’t hold
1:09:29 ..calling to order a pair of sunglasses that will make me real fucked up
1:10:47 ..calling again but bleeping out the cursing
1:11:48 ..David Snozwell calls back in for a monacle
1:15:39 Renting out church spaces for a bachelor party
1:17:16 ..Baz calls back from the machine organization for an explanation
1:29:56 The guys need the hotel toilet fixed
1:37:04 Calling the pharmacy for the good shit
1:38:15 ..Anthony won’t be talked to like that
1:39:25 Tracking down Tim Searcy, asling about a pacemaker
1:51:45 Checking for mavros at the Greek restaurant
1:53:05 ..calling back checking for malaka
1:54:11 ..we’re turks
1:54:11 Quick hangup for calling her sexy
1:55:13 ..one bahnchod!
1:57:04 How do I take a shit in the toilet in the mobile home
Apr 23, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Caught in the Gym Shower – 4/17/14


showerCarlito is calling about tricycles, wet suits and hunting lodges for sale. Two fat Indians are not happy with the way Carlito is ordering food. A woman in Guam likes to curse and drink. John has responded with interest in a penis enlargement study – Ken and Turbo harass him at the gym while he is working out.

Standard Podcast [ 2:06:29 | 57.93 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1562)

Show Notes:

0:06:17 Carlito!
0:11:50 I wanna take you away in my car
0:15:49 “It doesn’t matter, nothing upsets me”
0:16:59 Go back to your country
0:19:52 Don’t want to talk to any fucking woman
0:21:18 Connecting 2 Indians together fails
0:22:10 Two fat Indians doesn’t like Carlito’s ordering style
0:28:23 Excited about a tricycle for sale
0:32:54 ..calling the wife back about the tricycle
0:35:51 I’m not your honey baby
0:41:35 Hunting lodge for sale
0:43:50 ..connecting a guy selling duck and goose calls
0:45:40 ..connecting a guy advertising a turkey hunt
0:49:46 ..trying to connect Tommy
0:55:13 Gun classes, Milkman plays the guitar while Carlito makes weird noises
1:00:34 Wet suit for sale
1:02:34 Whistle Attack!
1:04:12 Calling on a group deer and turkey hunt
1:11:57 Sending Oliver at the front desk to room 205 to deliver a message
1:22:03 Shipping a military hovercraft from Guam to Los Angeles
1:25:28 ..Do you like to curse and drink?
1:28:39 John is interested in a penis enlargement study
1:29:43 ..calling back the gym
1:35:18 ..gym finally gets him on the phone
1:38:56 ..calling back after John hang up
1:38:56 ..John calls back upset
1:45:43 ..Ken calls John back about the false allegations
1:47:37 Time Warner complaint
Apr 17, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

The Blood Moon – 4/16/14

bloodmoonCarlito, Baz, Sloth, Tabachi and Zyklon place some zany restaurant orders. Special Time Agent Garcia is back trying to keep a guy from drinking some bad juice. Ron Newman fires a Starbucks employee for her attitude.

Standard Podcast [ 2:14:17 | 61.51 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1484)

Show Notes:

0:06:00 Speaking nonsense to the wedding magazine office
0:09:38 Du ju have peenots?
0:10:52 ..calling back to find out what they have
0:17:41 Asking why someone didn’t make it to the Mardi Gras ball
0:24:14 Baz is trying to cash a personal check without his wife finding out
0:26:33 Carlito calls back to cash a payroll check, wants the bulletproof glass taken out temporarily
0:28:26 Anonymous info for the Masonic hall goes nowhere
0:30:10 Making an order to go right now, flirting with the waitress
0:34:44 Ordering weird items from the Chinese restaurant
0:36:10 ..Mr. Newman calls back with a serious complaint
0:38:52 Stem cells can do anything
0:43:56 Calling for the son of a bitch doctor
0:49:46 The computer does not go
0:51:21 …calling back for technical support
0:53:25 “I was like lahhhhhh”
0:54:31 ..Baz calls back and makes the girl uncomfortable
1:02:20 Zyklon calling tech support
1:08:25 Bahnchod doesn’t understand
1:09:26 Another bahnchod doesn’t understand
1:11:38 Another bahnchod understands and hangs up
1:13:14 Baz is collecting the order in his hand
1:16:20 Starbucks call goes nowhere
1:18:50 Another Starbucks call, this time firing someone
1:28:44 Chineese order goes nowhere
1:31:00 Calling the Elephant back
1:31:00 Someone calls back to take out order
1:36:13 …calling him back to straighten out the order
1:37:18 ..Carlito tries a third time
1:40:58 Special Time Agent Garcia calling from the future
1:43:25 ..Zyklon calls back
1:44:51 ..the Blood Moon!
1:47:25 Calling Charlie about the blood moon
1:50:24 Kelly is cheating on you mate
2:05:56 Making an order from a psychic
2:09:50 Canceling the previous order

Music featured on this episode

Bruce Springsteen – Thunder Road
Turnabout Jazz Soul – Godot – The Fragrance of Dark Coffee
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Kava Kava Root
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Bergamont
,MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – White Willow Bark
MF Doom [Special Herbs 7-8] – Safed Musli
Puff Daddy And The Family – Do You Know
Lil Wayne – La La La
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Podina
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Lemon Grass
,Bronze Nazareth – 07 ODB Tribute
Gorillaz – On Melancholy Hill

 

Apr 16, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

I’ll Bust Yer Sheeit – 4/10/14


helicopter-stormyJack Masterson is having trouble ordering curbside ambulance service pizza. Carlito has another fit, this time over fried chicken. Eddie Quois finds a lost dog, renames it, gets into a bunch of heated exchanges with the owners and then blames it all on Mike Tucker. We are returning a lost iPhone but not before downloading all the pics first. Congratulations to Engima420 on passing his CCNA test on the first try!

Standard Podcast [ 1:57:10 | 53.67 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1386)

Show Notes:

0:16:08 Calling Taco Johns about a bottle of tequila that got thrown on the roof
0:27:10 Jack Masterson calling for curb side ambulance service
0:31:04 Jack gets hung up on again
0:31:50 Milkman calls to order lamb curry and naan bread
0:32:58 Calling back after getting the phone problem fixed
0:39:12 Hung up on for saying God dammit
0:42:08 Having a fit over a botched chicken order
0:47:34 No panjabi
0:57:48 Calling to Medevac a poodle by helicopter to an emergency vet hospital with a dog (or horse) machine
1:03:50 ..transferrring Dr. McLanahan
1:06:26 Returning someones lost cell phone but not before downloading all their pics first
1:11:31 Carlito found Queenie the lost dog
1:23:09 ..I’ll bust yer sheeit
1:23:35 ..National Call Tracing Center assists
1:25:02 ..Dwight returns a call on his caller ID
1:27:25 Dwight offers a fight to a previous victim
1:30:04 Carlito hacks into a lost iPhone he found at a casino
1:32:56 ..calling back to advise show is ending early
1:36:14 Lady calls back about found phone, Eddie Quois explains he likes to watch his wife breast feed
1:41:02 Calling back about Queenie

Music featured on this episode:

Crazy Fucker from California – Crazy Accordian
Joe Pesci – Take Your Love And Shove It
Turnabout Jazz Soul – Godot – The Fragrance of Dark Coffee
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Vinca Rosea
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Styrax Gum
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Galangal Root
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Lavender Buds
MF Doom [Special Herbs vol. 1-2] – All Spice
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Lemon Grass
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Datura Stramonium
MF Doom – Secret Herbs & Spices Beat 1 (Little Sambo)
MF Doom [Special Herbs vol. 1-2] – Shallots
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Spikenard
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Passion Flower
Eazy E – 04 – Still A Nigga Feat. Rhythum D

Apr 10, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

The Monkey That Fell Out Of The Tree – 4/9/14

monkey-falls-signA short show with Baz and Carlito – two married oil workers who have been chased out of a hotel in Billings, MT by the Rev. Jebediah Snakewater. Some brief calls to angry Indians lead to the usual curses and threats.

Standard Podcast [ 1:09:57 | 32.06 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1098)

Show Notes:

0:03:00 Calling the YMCA about horrible iced tea and masturbating
0:04:58 ..calling back to apologize and clarify
0:07:58 2 oil men, one room, one bed and Rev. Jebediah Snakewater
0:21:00 Calling The Loft as recommended by the lady during the previous call
0:28:55 Calling the Victorian about the glory holes
0:53:04 The Marriot in Pattaya
0:58:44 Placing an order from bastard
0:59:24 ..calling back the bastard monkey
1:01:53 ..connecting another unsuspecting Indian restaurant
1:05:00 Bolice calls back

 

Apr 09, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Have You Ever Had Your Shit Pushed In? – 4/3/14

cat-shit-pushedMilkman calls in upset after being ignored by Carlito for several months. We call on several ads for items for sale including pontoon boats, industrial meat grinders and Furbies.  The crew pins Ken’s harrasing calls on our old friend KDK. Some good old UK wake-up calls.

Standard Podcast [ 2:37:06 | 71.95 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1401)

Show Notes:

0:15:31 Calling the motherfucker who keeps texting Carlito
0:17:08 Call motherfucker back
0:18:51 Ordering pizza with crust, tomato sauce, cheese, salt and garlic with one meat
0:22:12 Connecting Bel Air pizza, asking if they ever get their shit pushed in
0:22:50 Connecting big girl at Dominos
0:26:03 Ordering another one pizza from girls that finger each other
0:29:38 Calling back for chicken fingers
0:30:35 How are you little monkey boy
0:39:43 Calling to get the mother fucking pontoon boat, mother fucker
0:46:50 Calling sexy Stanley for a meat grinder
0:54:03 Late call from the DNC
0:56:06 Furbies came out in 1998 stupid
1:00:42 Masturbating the baby bull
1:08:07 Following up on Ken’s harrasing phone calls
1:09:54 ..calling back to help out
1:12:08 ..pinning KDK for the harrasing calls
1:20:48 Dwight calls about a pontoon boat for sale
1:30:25 McDonalds in Australia
1:43:47 Calling about a dog in the front yard
1:44:56 ..calling again about the dog
1:46:42 ..calling once again to tell him to man the fuck up
1:49:09 ..yet another call about the dog
1:53:15 Carlito’s hospital roomate call (RBCP)
2:03:22 Angry guy will slit Dwight’s throat
2:05:03 Zoo in Denmark (or not)
2:05:03 Peter Bradley (UK) reported by the Royal Service
2:21:25 Baz confirming his bedroom reservation
2:23:08 ..calling back and being told to get off the bloody line
2:24:05 United Water Machines checking on the toilet water
2:27:28 Baz would like to come and join a British couple in bed
2:28:42 ..calling back and being ordered to cease and decist
2:32:07 Hey Ballard
2:32:54 Quick hang up on Baz
2:33:25 Calling back to announce the Outstanding Citizen award

Music features in this episode:

Jay-Z – Izzo (H.O.V.A.)
Jay-Z – Hard Knock Life (Ghetto Anthem)
Jay-Z – Can I Get A…
Turnabout Jazz Soul – Godot – The Fragrance of Dark Coffee
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Vinca Rosea
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Styrax Gum
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Galangal Root
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Lavender Buds
MF Doom [Special Herbs vol. 1-2] – All Spice
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Lemon Grass
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Datura Stramonium
MF Doom – Secret Herbs & Spices Beat 1 (Little Sambo)
MF Doom [Special Herbs vol. 1-2] – Shallots
MF Doom [Special Herbs, Vol 3-4] – Spikenard
MF Doom [Special Herbs 9 and 0] – Passion Flower
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – Orange Blossoms
MF Doom [Special Herbs vol. 1-2] – Nettle Leaves
Rick Ross – 3 Kings (feat. Dr. Dre & Jay-Z)
Tupac – I Ain’t Mad At Cha
MF Doom [special herbs vol 5-6 – White Willow Bark
MF Doom [Special Herbs 7-8] – Safed Musli
Kalyanji & Anandji – Swami Safari

Apr 03, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Cock Smoker – 3/27/14

smoking-roosterThey guys are giving trouble to businesses as usual including trying to buy beer in Pigeon Forge. Pastor Will calls us out on our prank skills then ruins every call we try to make with him. A man has replied to an ad for a personal massager, we try to antagonize him but he is too sedated to care.

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Show Notes:

0:06:45 Calling the wrong place
0:07:43 Where can I get a beer in Pigeon Forge?
0:08:31 ..Turbo is also upset about the lack of beer in town
0:10:15 Desert Inn on the beach.
0:18:23 Calling someone looking for a dog walker
0:21:23 Assless chaps
0:22:23 ..Matty calls back
0:25:15 Cambodians get their asses kicked by everybody
0:26:22 ..calling back to order 1 Pol Pot
0:29:56 What kind of Asian food is this
0:33:45 ..calling back to poll her on LTM vs Milkman
0:36:26 Inbound call for studio equipment
0:41:22 Calling about a snake
0:44:31 Selling a studio
0:52:47 Dwight calls back a tough guy
1:02:36 Equipment for sale
1:05:46 Get it out of your ass
1:09:37 Ukrainian Hotel hangs up quick
1:10:44 Is this the Soviet Union Hotel?
1:16:14 Vietnamese Foo
1:18:34 I didn’t like the tone of your text
1:23:57 Pastor WIll can’t be fazed
1:31:20 Pastor Will ruins a call
1:32:34 Bahnchod fail, Pastor Will critiques
1:33:38 Soviet Union call ruined by Pastor Will
1:33:38 Motherfucker calls Charlie
1:41:25 Apartheid at the South African hotel
1:44:06 ..transfer is taking too long
1:47:40 Shh Shh Shh Shh
1:50:29 Bull mastiff measurements
1:53:05 .. calling back and getting yelled at
1:55:26 Turbo Nairing his balls yields a hang up
1:56:02 ..calling back about the problem with the drain
1:57:25 The entire panel jumps in with vulgar comments
2:02:58 Calling back a Craigslist responder
2:05:00 Like the girl wo gives head but doesn’t like to
2:05:37 What’s a cock smoker?
2:06:51 Connecting another guy on the line to get it out of the ass machine
2:08:27 Are you having a bad day sir?
2:18:54 What is your beef sir?
2:23:08 You have to be sstraight acting if you come for the free equipment
2:26:25 Previous guy figures out Dwight changed his voicemail
2:29:35 Calling back the Junk Buster
2:35:15 Tempurpedic bed for sale – calling too late
2:36:16 Putting a chihuahua in a basket and shooting him down a lake on a bicycle
2:43:03 Woman responded to personal massager ad
2:45:09 Sedated man responded to personal massager ad
3:02:26 Indian troubleshoot call fail
3:05:08 She will track our number
3:16:46 Another Comcast complainer
3:26:21 Daniel complaining about airline service
Mar 27, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Nougat – 3/26/14

NougatJoin Carlito, Baz and Laugh Track Matt as they sneak in the word nougat and blow the train whistle in as many calls as possible. Throwing stuff at the display cases in museums. Chasing lost dogs off with rocks and candy bars. Doing poppers, smoking drugs and feeding monkeys at the zoo. Delivering drugs to Robinson Cano at the spring training locker room.

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Show Notes:

0:06:30 A long wait just to say “I’m a choo-choo train”
0:10:15 Basillica upset at Carlito’s choice of words
0:12:01 Looking to throw objects at the museum
0:15:18 All five lines are busy at the art museum
0:17:44 Head museum
0:22:43 Calling the US Airways arena for train tickets
0:24:12 ..Baz calls back
0:33:40 A baseball landed right by Carlito’s feet by the ballpark
0:35:26 Delivering drugs for Robinson Cano
0:40:35 Calling a Lutheran church out of boredom
0:42:21 Desert voyages
0:44:39 ..calling back to sneak in nougat
0:47:39 Calling about the monkeys
0:53:34 .. calling back about the nougat we fed the monkey
0:53:49 Calling the San Diego zoo resort on a recorded line
0:57:40 Hot boxing in the parking lot
0:58:29 ..calling again honking the horn
0:59:35 The best fishing line to strangle a monkey
1:01:00 ..you smell like tuna
1:01:55 ..a couple more calls
1:03:28 Indian food order
1:07:45 ..calling back about rude treatment
1:10:07 ..calling from the parking lot
1:15:47 Lady at the hotel
1:17:07 Indian calls in and calls Matt a fucking pussy
1:18:37 Connecting Indian guy with the hotel lady
1:18:37 Several calls to the hotel guy about getting fed nougat
1:34:53 Calling about a lost dog that was fed nougat and had a seizure
1:45:12 Freeze…up right your ass!
1:47:14 ..calling back and calling the “Laawwwuh”
1:47:21 Angry bahnchod order
1:49:52 Offering stuff for a wedding
1:55:12 Sitting on a riding mower in the living room eating a nougat bar
1:56:07 …why’d you hang up mother fucker?
1:57:08 Found a wallet at the hospital
1:59:44 Connecting another random guy with a lost wallet
2:01:59 ..calling back his mom about nougat
2:15:40 Willie calling Walt Disney World HR
2:17:27 ..calling about the nougat bars not having come in yet
2:20:13 UK callback by Baz
Mar 26, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Bookstore Gloryhole Madness – 3/24/14

ghCarlito and Baz call a few Best Buys trying to be let out with unpaid merchandise. We play a voicemail left by an angry lance corporal last night. Carlito wants to leave Macaroni Grill with a to go order and a ton of silverware and plates. Several hilarious calls to Barnes and Noble regarding gloryhole action and requesting food, drink and magazines to be delivered to stall #2

0:05:05 Why so long to pick up?
0:06:24 Chipotle is the McDonalds of Mexican restaurants.
0:11:12 Calling about the silverware theft policy at Macaroni Grill
0:20:35 Problem with the security motherfucker
0:21:01 David calling from inside the store
0:23:04 Baz wants to be let out of the back door at Best Buy
0:25:29 ..Eddie calling back about loss prevention procedures
0:31:29 Baz is going to be hanging out in the restroom for a little while
0:32:26 Baz’s name puts a Best Buy clerk on guard
0:34:32 Calling Best Buy Mobile for a Samsung TV
0:38:06 Building a human zoo, need Mexicans
0:42:12 Looking for sexy shoes and feet to make a foot pussy
0:45:13 Angry Lance Corporal leaves a voicemail for Sgt Eddie Cross
0:47:07 Several calls to check how the action is at the Barnes and Noble gloryhole
0:53:33 Calling a different B&N for a gloryhole action check
0:54:33 Placing an order for a Maxim magazine to be delivered to the bathroom
0:57:05 Another bookstore gloryhole call
0:58:21 … waiting too long, calling yet another store
1:00:14 What are the bathroom stall dividers made of?
1:03:42 Baz ordering a food delivery to the bathroom
1:04:53 ..calling back and getting banned from the store
1:06:08 Calling to make another order for bathroom delivery
1:07:14 Yet anoter B&N call
1:09:49 Looking up the Kamasutra
Standard Podcast [ 1:11:54 | 32.95 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1072)
Mar 24, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

We Take Our Shits Down Here – 3/20/14

chicken-fightWe are calling the island nation of Puerto Rico tonight where chickens are loose in the our rooms and people are taking shits in our toilets. Carlito has gotten himself into some trouble with terrorists in Turkey, the hotel clerk is not willing to help get us out of the mess. More twitter complaints and what not and so forth and things of this nature.

Show Notes:

0:06:50 DMV complaint
0:10:40 Needing all the knives put away at the steakhouse in PR
0:19:05 Placing a new order at the Turkish Kitchen
0:34:10 ..Canceling the order
0:21:05 Why you talking to me like that?
0:21:50 How are you honey baby?
0:22:13 Gristle hangs up again
0:23:26 Oscar hangs up
0:24:11 Complaining about Oscar
0:43:56 Shut up, stop talking and talking
0:43:56 Someone took a shit in Dwight’s hotel room toilet machine
0:51:01 Is Tommy Oliver there?
0:53:09 JDF search fail
0:56:50 JDF search fail again
1:02:19 Blue hotel #1
1:02:53 Blue hotel #2
1:08:13 ..coming back from hold
1:11:12 Blue hotel #3
1:11:12 Donde esta la leche?
1:22:29 PR convenience store #1
1:26:18 PR convenience store #2
1:29:07 Rabid chicken loose in the hotel room
1:33:02 Another rabid chicken
1:35:51 Captured by islamist extremists in Turkey
1:39:10 Another call to a Turkish hotel
1:40:07 Yet another call to a Turkish hotel
1:45:13 Even more calls to a Turkish hotel
1:49:13 ..connecting Faizan
1:51:16 ..connecting another Turk
1:54:09 ..connecting the Turkish Kitchen in NYC
1:55:45 ..connecting a white boy
2:14:05 Dwight calling for Charlie
2:16:24 Insulting an Australian restaurant
2:18:14 Pizza pocket
2:18:59 ..make a tuna pussy pizza pocket
2:25:01 Comcast Twitter complainer
2:26:22 ..Supervisor calls back
2:27:17 ..General counsel calls back
2:33:46 Another Comcast complainer
2:42:10 I smell pot coming from your house
2:47:33 Banchod!
2:52:07 Another hotel JDF search fail
2:54:53 More Indian takeaway
2:56:15 Tandoori shit food
2:57:50 Spunky monkey
Standard Podcast [ 3:01:31 | 83.53 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1258)
Mar 20, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Milking Horses – 3/17/14

horsemilk

The guys finally get a hold of JDF’s wife Tammy.  Several horse calls including horse massages, horse bachelor parties and horse milking.  It’s St. Patricks Day and we’re calling Ireland to ask about how much drinking and fucking they’re doing.  Ken’s violent niece is throwing jars of pickles at 7-11, we need helping controlling here while we shop for swords and canteens.

Show Notes:

0:02:37 Calling for nice, thick and goopy horse semen
0:04:29 ..Did you see Jackass 2?
0:05:00 ..David Snozwell calls back
0:07:16 Horse massage
0:08:22 Horse entertainment?
0:14:04 Horse therapy liar
0:15:32 Arabian horse member
0:19:11 ..calling back Big Fat Cindy
0:23:44 Cross looking to buy breast milk
0:26:45 Honda Accord for sale, Any sex in it?
0:28:32 Used sports car… or cards?
0:31:37 Alpacas
0:37:41 Tammy Frank finally answers the phone
0:45:21 Mexican guy is not JDF
0:50:11 Foam matresses made from plant machines
0:52:09 Car for sale
0:53:39 ..calling back about the car
0:57:05 An order for bahnchod
0:58:05 ..calling the police on us
0:59:09 Don orders bahnchod
1:01:13 Baz orders bahnchod
1:04:19 Just one moment. -Click-
1:06:06 It is a bad word
1:09:44 ..why you hang up?
1:11:02 Irish St Pattys Call #1 – angry lady
1:12:00 ..calling back
1:12:57 ..calling yet again
1:13:36 Miles O’Brien from Starfleet
1:15:27 Father O’Brien joins in
1:17:39 Irish St Pattys Call #2 goes nowhere
1:18:45 The angry lady calls back
1:31:28 Carlito calls the gym
1:37:17 Calling another gym
1:47:07 Free Magic: The Gathering cards
1:52:55 Grandma Rebecca
1:54:17 .. calling back
1:59:18 Asking 7-11 to watch our crazy violent niece
2:01:15 Calling the Army Surplus store next door to watch our niece while we hit up the 7-11 instead
Standard Podcast [ 2:07:00 | 58.57 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (1136)
Mar 17, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post

Three Men and a Baby Machine – 03/14/14

3menbabyA short pre-show before Art of Phonelarking with Carlito, Sl0th, Awkward and Enigma420. We hit up some more people who were interested in our free bedroom set. Sl0th upsets a sushi restaurant with his questions and bufoonery. Carlito wants to park in an event parking lot, get his girl pregnant, then go to a concert wearing adult cloth diapers to avoid going to the bathroom.

Show notes:

0:06:40 Parking and fucking
0:12:24 Bedroom set 1 (Sl0th)
0:15:58 Bedroom set 2 (Awkward)
0:23:50 ..calling back to let him know we have already started
0:27:16 Engima is bi so he can’t prank the sushi place
0:27:46 ..calling back to place a sushi order
0:34:15 Getting recommendations for shitting and pissing at a concert using an adult cloth diaper
0:38:49 ..calling back for clarification on cleaning the shit and piss
0:43:08 Getting rid of Karl Kani jeans
0:45:09 ..Dr. Big Baby Baz gets hung up on
0:46:22 Calling a kitchen supply warehouse about the ball with the thing

Standard Podcast [ 48:24 | 22.6 MB ] Play Now | Play in Popup | Download (878)
Mar 14, 2014 | 0 comments | View Post
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