Category: 2014

Patel – 9/22/14

patelCarlito, Dwight, Neon and Baz are calling people named Patel. Dwight ruins a call with loud noise. Neon is calling from a house full of cats.

Return of the Help Wanted – 9/16/14

helpCarlito returns to an old favorite – calling numbers out of the help wanted classified ads in the Sunday paper.  A hilarious couple of calls in search of a recruiter named Dirty.  Berating a Navy recruiter for trying to slip in a conscription.  A guy hears Carlito insulting him in the background of a speaker phone call.  Carlito gets into a huge fight at a casino in front of Asian guests.

I Don’t Have A Viewer – 9/14/14

video-phoneTrainwreck teaches us some Quebecois curse words.  A very stoic-sounding Lowe’s employee gets into a long and discourteous phone call with Carlito.  Pop-A-Lock is once again the target of our pranks.  Calling a towing service to get a car out of a zoo after Carlito drove it into a zoo.

Get This Shit Outta Here – 9/13/14

turtlephoneCarlito reverts into a toddler during a call to Starbucks.  Brad Carter is an emotional turtle.  Dadead has Carlito call his step daughter and tells her hes being arrested and his dad had a heart attack.  He then tries to throw a lady off when he says hes a completely different person.  We then follow up by sending all the neighboring businesses over to pick up their misdelivered merchandise.  Requesting a very concerning message on a floral deliver card.  We shut down the gas pumps during a corporate practical joke.

It Tastes Like Copper Pennies – 9/11/14

penniesCarlito cancels an unhealthy order of pot pie , replaces it with a nice healthy salad. Dwight and Carlito are calling Pop And Lock – a locksmith business. We are taking long showers and doing miscellaneous dirty things in the gym locker room.

The Odyssey Does Not Go – 9/10/14

lib-bathroomA lady does her best to convince Carlito that it is not acceptable to bathe in the library bathroom.  Carlito is calling from the casino during several calls tonight.  The Honda Odyssey does not go.  Trying to get pee out of the casino pool.  How many springs are in a tire machine?

Carl Sanders – 9/7/14

carl-sandersCarlito gets into several heated arguments with a Puerto Rican guy taking orders at a sushi restaurant in St. Thomas, gets him sent home by the manager.  Carl Sanders is calling to complain about public wifi and library bathrooms.  Getting clarification on the bartering system at the Kmart in the Virgin Islands.  Cornered in a casino elevator by a violent & rabid chicken.

Carlito Goes to the Islands – 9/5/14

usviA short series of calls to the US Virgin Islands including horsies, ganja, nitrous and the Mr. Belvedere hotel. A McDonalds on the island is very offended at Carlito as well.

You Don’t Want To Know What He Said – 9/4/14

saddle-womanCarlito is getting to be smart with the guy at First Watch diner, crosses the line when he mentions his mother. Going down to the auto parts and getting settled in for a long stay. Eddie crosses the line when he curses too much while calling about a refrigerator. A saddle call crosses the line when David says he wants to try it out on a woman before purchasing. Confused about how to use the hotel room toilet and checking on the action at public toilets.

Edgardo Inalfabeto – 9/2/14

hawaii pizzaTrying to get the guy at the library to do our meteorology assignment for sexual favors.  More calls to the Hawaiian Pizza Hut call center machine.  Carlito tries to piss off a Greek but suceeds in making friends instead.  An inappropriate conversation with an Air Force recruiter.

Drone Countermeasures – 9/1/14

The Indian guy at the Marble Slab Creamery gets irate with Carlito.  Dadead is helping us look for Alki David and puts his step-daughter on the line.  Trainwreck and Carlito discover the Hawaiian Pizza Hut call center for the first time.  We are taking down drones flying over our property and calling the owners back.  Nova talks some Freemasons shit.  Dwight McLanahan joins us for some prank calls as well.

Saxamaphone – 8/29/14

saxamaphoneA short show with Carlito and Laugh Track Matt.  How much feces (or baby mice) will fit in a saxamaphone?  We don’t want a babysitter to perform sexual dances or be verbally abusive to our kid.  Carlito’s weimaraner is complaining to him about the cats pissing on him.  Flipping forklifts into appliances at our favorite Lowe’s.

Special Skin Condition – 8/28/14

trueblueCarlito is calling around looking for a Mr. Al Abia.  A man is looking for a skin cream product that will help his mistress’s unique skin problem.  Looking at and ogling the Zappos product models.  Looking for help and suggestions setting up a homosexual quickie between homeless men.  Trying to get the timing right of a fraudulent pizza order.

Black Cheesecake – 8/24/14

homelessshowerMilkman is annoying Carlito with his open car window.  Dirty Aaron also joins for some prank calls.  Trying to order boxwood, one unit of floor and toilet batteries from the home improvement store.  A homeless shelter is in violation of good Samaritan laws.  Looking for a cheesecake with all the shit on it.

As Many Samples As You Want, Sir – 7/22/14

breakerkingCarlito is trying to bribe a loss prevention officer into altering security camera footage at a store.  The fleet needs help finding the Tomb of Athena.  Carlito is trying to place an order for an obscene amount of free samples from Baskin-Robbins.  Carlito becomes the Breaker King by setting the world record for fastest power breaker call.  A woman is not qualified to answer a technical question.  We send Indian food to Leo Laporte at the TWiT studio.

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